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Restoring the wholeness of being: Working with trauma from the focusing-oriented experiential therapy perspective ยป. Gavriel Ansara. December 11, Return to Articles. The following narrative examples describe typical experiences shared by participants across these studies:.

I was made to feel like I am not normal and a social deviant. I felt uncomfortable and felt I could not freely be myself or talk openly about issues concerning myself to my psychologist. I spent more than half of one of my sessions trying to defend myself and my position in the BDSM community as quoted in Wright, a, p.

Needless to say, I have since changed mental health professionals as quoted in Wright, a, p. My BDSM partner was hospitalized at a mental institution. He was not institutionalized for anything to do with BDSM, he was suffering from severe depression and suicidal tendencies as quoted in Wright, a, p. For people seeking bdsm friendly therapy, stigma and rejection by psychotherapists can have profound negative consequences.

Participants who were subjected to negative responses from psychotherapists often felt unable to access therapy in the future and reported feeling unable to seek support again as a bdsm friendly of these experiences. Despite not being explicitly negative, apparent neutrality failed to provide support to counterbalance stigma due to an often hostile and kink-shaming societal context.

As one participant explained. Neither my psychiatrist nor my therapist has a clue about BDSM. All terms explained below. People whom I have mentored have often shared their negative experiences with trauma psychotherapists who are hostile, uninformed, ineffective, or unintentionally harmful. For example, some common questions psychotherapists from a wide range of mental health professions have asked me include the following:.

Bdsm friendly who are proficient in rope bondage are often described as riggers. Discipline can include forms of sensation exchange e. Despite the superficial linguistic similarity, it is crucial that psychotherapists avoid the unfounded conflation of ddlg practitioners with people who sexually harm young people.

Determinations about which relational dynamics and activities constitute kinks often reveal more about the erotic culture and ideology of the people making the determinations than they do about the people engaging in the kink. For example, some people might consider the wearing of silky lingerie to be a kink, whereas other people might consider wearing silky lingerie to be a normative practice during erotic encounters. Although kinks and fetishes are often conflated, all fetishes are kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes.

For example, Holvoet et al. Yet one Australian study found that only 1. Hopkins articulated the need for nuanced theorising that distinguishes between simulation and replication of sexist patriarchal activities.

Herman, Stage 1 is relationship building and also safety and stabilisation. Stage 2, psychoeducation and self-regulationprovides psychoeducation about the biopsychosocial manifestations of trauma, helps people to develop interoception i. Stage 3, recovery and resolutionfocuses on exposure to past traumatic experiences through narrative, visual, and other methods.

Current best practice guidelines state that Stage 3 is only indicated in cases where a person is experiencing intrusion or intrusion-related avoidance of necessary or desired domains of life experience following the completion of Stage 2. Stage 3 marks the completion of work to address past trauma. During Stage 4, post-traumatic resiliency buildingtherapists assist people to build meaningful, fulfilling lives following traumatic experiences. The focus is on changing perceptions of self, interpersonal relationships, and philosophy of life.

This stage focuses on relating to others, personal strength, spiritual change and maturity, appreciation of life, and new possibilities. Stage 4 work also involves helping people to develop resiliencies that reduce the adverse impact of future life events. Five Essential Clinical Skills. Non-binary people who identify with more than one gender may use either of these gendered terms. Some people with more than one gender will alternate between terms depending on their gender expression in the moment.

The term submissive is often shortened to sub or the affectionate and diminutive subbie. Some service submissives achieve personal or erotic fulfilment from serving a drink to their Dominant or functioning as human furniture such as a dining table or footstool. A queer woman who identifies as a service submissive explained that. I get pleasure from serving my dom in almost whatever way she wants me to. This includes things like foot massages, cooking and cleaning for her, repairing her clothing, opening doors for her and generally following orders as quoted in Bernard,Service Sub section.

A Service Dominant or Service Top is a D-type in which the Dominant or Top derives pleasure from providing pleasure to or doing things to their submissive bdsm friendly bottom. Some Service Tops can achieve personal or erotic fulfilment from tying up or spanking an enthusiastic Bottom or by stimulating the Bottom to orgasm without the Service Top wanting to orgasm or receive any physical stimulation of their own body.

Any of these terms can also be used by people of any gender. Psychotherapists can help people to normalise these experiences and reduce distress by helping people to recognise when they are in drop and by providing them with language to make sense of these experiences.

Sprott and Randall used the term x-drop to refer collectively to four distinct types of drop: sub drop, Top drop, event dropand scene drop. Later x-drop is less easily explained in terms of physiological responses than initial x-drop. The authors provided a non-pathologising approach to understanding drop, identifying multiple possible explanations for later x-drop that include the initiation of a grief and bereavement process and as part of the process of identity development.

Fire safety tools such as fire extinguishers and fire blankets can be kept in close proximity to the waxplay, such as on the nearest wall or beside a bed. Non-abusive waxplay also involves holding the candle at a safe distance away from the body.

Although individual pain tolerances, skin sensitivities, and consensus vary between communities, this is generally considered to be at least 46 centimetres or 18 inches away from the body. These examples provide only a partial list of the essential components of waxplay safety, so readers are advised to obtain adequate knowledge not contained in this article. It is beyond the scope of this article to provide a comprehensive checklist of these components, particularly given the diverse norms across different BDSM relational role types, social networks, and communities of practice.

Williams et al. One widespread practice among people experienced in non-abusive BDSM is asking for character references. Although some less experienced people may not be able to provide character references, it is a red flag if an experienced Dominant refuses to allow a prospective sub to contact submissives to verify the Dominant is a respectful, non-abusive partner who respects consent and has adequate training and skill in the specific activities in which they engage.

There are multiple checklists available online and in print describing red flags for which submissives can screen prospective Dominants. Chandra discusses with boi corey in advance that She will give them a piece of soft, fleecy fabric that they can hold in one hand even while restrained. If boi corey drops the handkerchief, Chandra will know that they have used their safe al and will stop immediately. Bdsm friendly, lisa also has asthma, which means that oral play during their scenes could trigger an attack.

Mars and lisa use a common safe al known as the double tap. The following vignettes are de-identified and composited examples I have created based on experiences people have shared during trauma psychotherapy:. He rubbed wound-healing balm into the tissue and slowly kissed each butt cheek before pulling her tenderly into His arms and rocking her gently. He waited until her heart rate had slowed back to its usual cadence, watching her face closely for s that she had received sufficient aftercare.

That evening and the following morning, He sent check-in texts to remind melissa that she was loved and appreciated, and to see how she was feeling. Sanjay was a very experienced rigger, but He bdsm friendly far less experience using a cane than He had with rope bondage. Sanjay had recently attended a local class on safe use of caning in BDSM scenes. However, He was aware that knowing how to use a cane during class and actually using one in a BDSM scene were likely to be two different things. An important point for therapists to remember is that the specific activities, visual appearance, and words being used in the scene or relationship are often far less useful ways to screen for an abusive relational dynamic than the way the scene or relationship has been negotiated, the safety elements in place, the presence and extent of aftercare, and whether consent is monitored on an ongoing basis by the Dominant or Top.

Dominants can also experience abuse by a submissive or Bottom. I explained the lengthy and substantial trauma history the submissive was bringing to our sessions and how it was affecting the relationship. Clinical Skill 5: Identifying and Managing Freefall. The clinical presentation of freefall is distinct bdsm friendly both the drop and later x-drop described by Sprott and Randall Freefall hepaces can have subtle and complex clinical presentations.

Some common potential s of Dominant freefall may include increased feelings of guilt or fear of wrongdoing both within and outside of the psychotherapeutic relationship, increased irritability, and levels of micromanaging and critical behaviour toward self and others that are atypical for their clinical baseline. Both freefall Domming and freefall subbing can have similar clinical presentations, with s of increased frequency and magnitude of bdsm friendly conflicts, moods and mood fluctuations that are atypical for the psychotherapy participant, and increased difficulty focusing or concentrating.

The following representative, de-identified composite case examples are fictional vignettes drawn from a range of typical experiences in my clinical trauma psychotherapy work. Several times during the session, he asked whether I was comfortable and if I minded that he was sitting with his feet resting on the recliner. I observed that he seemed more alert than usual to my comfort, instead of focusing on his own. During the course of the session, malik shared that he had recently been released by his Dom and that he had been feeling very emotional and lonely.

During our session, I helped malik to identify that he was freefall subbing and we discussed ways he could keep himself safe if he found himself drawn to provide service outside of mutually consensual and negotiated environments. We discussed the dynamic that had occurred during our session and developed strategies that bdsm friendly help malik to meet his core needs as a submissive and thereby come out of a freefall subbing hepace. The first Dom she met, Ahmed, had seemed respectful and had a lovely temperament, but He was highly specialised in decorative rope bondage and seeking a submissive partner with whom to share this kink.

During our trauma psychotherapy bdsm friendly together, sonali gained greater insight into her core needs as a submissive. She identified freefall subbing as a key contributor to bdsm friendly attraction to abusive Dominants. During the first year of our trauma psychotherapy work, sonali gained skills for screening and setting boundaries with prospective Dominants, and developed strategies for preventing, communicating about, and managing freefall subbing These achievements facilitated her continued healing and post-traumatic growth.

They were both used to daily contact by phone, video chat, and text message. They found Themselves taking on a relational role within Their workplace that alternated between helicopter parent swooping in to save the day and stern disciplinarian meting out judgements. Despite being familiar with Dom drop and having developed an effective self-care plan to address it, Demain did not have language to describe freefall Domming and thus did not realise until our psychotherapy session that They were freefall Domming. By providing Demain with psychoeducation to describe and understand Their experience of freefall Domming, Demain was then able to communicate about this experience in a letter to levi, to explain Their needs to friends in a way that meant they could receive emotional support, and to develop an effective, distinct self-care plan for handling freefall Domming.

These examples illustrate how identifying and addressing freefall in therapy can assist people in understanding their core emotional needs, communicating these needs to their partners, and protecting themselves from abusive or unsatisfying relationship situations.

Conclusion and Future Directions. Ambler, J. Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice4 1 ,

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